Its 2303hrs and I am literally putting pen to paper after having drafted my bloginity breaking piece. I am having SUCH a great time sitting in the kitchen writing my second blog post. I could go on and on writing – this really IS my happy place! Reading and writing are two of my favourite things in the world! J
I have a time machine & I can teleport! YES I CAN! How? Easy – a counter book (3 tier please), a pen, a laptop blasting good music, headphones (now and then) and I am transported to another world. A world where I create whatever I want to create. Normally it’s just me venting, loving, appreciating, or dreaming – nothing fancy! But I simply love it! When people ask me how I love to wind down after a busy day ‘in my time machine’ is what I would love to say! But then I realise I cannot use that phrase without terrifying most of the people around me. So I just give a ‘diplomatic’ answer based on what I feel at the time.
Only recently (2009 to be exact) did I begin to place value on solitude. Even without my creating utensils or my time machine I can still have a blast! Solitude – a word I really appreciate. I love long trips by myself or with my partner in crime because then I am engrossed in my own world. Yes, being with my significant other feels like being with myself because it does (I wish I knew why, but that is all I know).
At times even a kombi ride in silence can be amazing for me! I offload so much when I sit in that loud kombi in the calm, quiet place in my mind and heart reserved only for me. In the stillness of my mind I am filled with calm and peace for the outward rush. I used to be so much of a chatterbox when I was younger; but I outgrew some of the chatter for inner inspection and meditation. (Others would like to argue that I added on introspection and lost none of the chatter at all! – but to each his own)
It’s not a matter of not wanting to be around people, but a matter of being comfortable with myself and with being with just me. I find that really restorative. I like knowing that I will be here to be with me after a busy day. I find myself looking forward to that moment that I spend time pondering and looking back at the day, past, present and future. I wish I could explain the feeling, but I cannot. No matter how long or short the moment is when I steal it from the world; it is quite soothing to be alone with me at least once a day.
If you know what I speak of and you have tried it, I am sure you can attest to what I am saying. If you are one of those people who have never sought or never seek the company of yourself I suggest you try it. Just be with you, allow yourself to hold hands with you and take a well-deserved break from the hustle and bustle of the world.
In future I will respond and say, “Partying with myself” when I am asked how I like to unwind. Because it is true and it is less weird than saying, “In my time machine!”. I like to hang out with me and have a blast! Try it and see for yourself! I promise you it is the best experience after good music!
There was a time in my life when I thought that sharing my thoughts was alright and acceptable. When I thought I had something valuable to contribute to the world by sharing my brain waves. I really did think my musings were really amazing and everyone had to hear them and at least understand them.
Those moments, days, months and years came and went with the wind in my hair. Mainly because my reflections seemed to be VERY different and unique from everyone else’s, but just a few. My though process seemed to have a mind of its own and my mouth was its willing slave. Constantly my ponderings brought me a scolding, an occasional hiding, the usual tongue wagging, jaw dropping and eye brow raising.
I had a constant river of thought that I let run freely into the world – no holds barred! At one point I became stubborn and ONLY my opinion was right and mattered. After a while – a very long while It wasn’t hard for me to learn by way of quite a hard soft landing that some things were better left unsaid. This was probably because instead of hidings I got looks and stern words that made me want to weepingly mop up all the water in all the rivers of thought in the world.
Slowly but surely I began to cut off my thoughts – a dam was built! I kept my thoughts to myself except the occasional trickle from where I’d missed a damming spot or where my dam just couldn’t hold it in. A little over a year of keeping my rather outlandish thoughts to myself the floodgates had to be put to good use.
Maybe, just maybe I donot have the needed capacity to rein in my eccentric opinions for much longer than a year. I am a very loud, opinionated, well spoken, passionate thinker. When the floodgates registered full capacity and the alarms went off I realised it was time!
These my ruminations were not designed to be caged, but free! Not everyone may be in touch with my perspectives, my standpoint and my thought processes, but I hope you will enjoy rafting, jet skiing, skinny dippingand fishingwith me in the river of my thoughts.
There is only one thing I can and will do . . . LET THE RIVER FLOW!