Tomorrow, when another day comes
I will rise with the sun
Rise to keep the journey moving
While silently learning more
Even when my heart cannot take it
I will walk tall and walk on
Patiently waiting, heart in my mouth
My smile widens, tears well up
Threatening to spill over and wash it all away
Her voice is in the wind “Inguva chete,”
Like the setting and rising of the sun
Only time will tell
Where my journey shall end
All this by His grace
The river flows. . .
There is a word that has been taking on a different meaning to me every single day. The only thing that I regret about it is why I did not learn it earlier. Glorification; it means so much more than just giving honour and praise as the English dictionary would put it. It is a word laden with so much meaning – if it were an animal it would be a chameleon.
I have glorified some things so much that they have taken their position on a pedestal in my life. They have gotten so much glory from me that they command me and I do their bidding. Yes, glorification is not just giving glory – it is giving control. You grow what you glorify, you are subdued by what you glorify and you are over taken by what you glorify.
The web woven by glorification is so intricate, beautiful and safe for the glorifier. It is all this till you want to live on the other side of it. On the inside of the web of glorification lies so much comfort, ease and security. Yes, it is easier to glorify than it is to vilify or be indifferent. Much easier to lurk in the shadows of constant glorification and not take responsibility for one’s life.
Like many of you, when I first thought about glorification I did not think it was a big deal. However, now that I am looking back to the point where I first thought about it I am realising that it is a really huge deal.
Before I glorify glorification itself let me show how I have glorified something as simple as fear. I have let it envelope me and it has gripped me so hard I cannot seem to shake it off. Fear used to be a shield, it protected me from sticks, stones and even words! Then one day I was wounded and fear became a crutch, I could not function without my heart beating furiously and my pulse demanding attention. That was fear; it had penetrated my being so much that I could hear it crying out as it coursed through my veins. It had taken over, it had subdued, and it had gotten comfortable.
Fear made me believe its thoughts, words and actions were mine. I never once did question their origin much! How do I question something coming from so deep inside me? Fear had grown roots in me; I was producing the fruit of fear and I was convinced that they were mine. I guess the growth was fuelled by failure and experience – things which should have made me stronger!
So many times I let go of opportunities when fear showed up and reminded me who the real boss of my life was. I delayed sending in proposals, reports, and even making phone calls because I was “afraid” of the results. I delayed going to the VID because I was “terrified” of failure and the possibility of having to pay for a license therefore wasting money. In my head fear conjured up so many excuses which I saw as reasons not to do so many things. Crazy enough I still fear getting out of bed on some days, simply because I am afraid of what the day has to offer.
What you glorify knits itself to you so well that getting rid of it means getting rid of some parts of your being. I am slowly learning that although fear has crippled me it is not me and I am not it. I am painfully carving away the bits and pieces of fear that have bonded themselves with every fibre of my being. It is painful because it involves doing the very things that I am afraid of. It means ensuring that parts of the perfectionist in me dies too, because she has brought me more pain than joy. She is one of those that have fed fear till it incapacitated me.
The bottom line is that you really have to be aware of how you handle life. Glorification might as well be a weapon of mass destruction, taking no prisoners as it strides around the world. Remember; you grow what you glorify, you are subdued by what you glorify and you are over taken by what you glorify.
The river flows. . .
I still stand here and watch
Glimpses of you floating past
If only you would hold still
And I would bend you to my will
Which will? You stop to ask
When I have lived and seen it;
Where you have lived, loved and lost!
Which will do you speak of and boast?
Loving laughter bubbling your throat
Jovial @24, bubbly @24
I still stand watch, wondering -
Are you happy @44?
Are you groovy @44?
Are you HAWT @44?
I will not move from my post soon –
That’s when it comes – that whisper;
Surprisingly wrapped in wisdom. . .
“For you to live, love, learn & know-
Leave that post – live a lot!”
Life in abundance! Leave that post!
My Saviour’s intention
To live my life in abundance!
To live a lot
Gale force winds, burning skies
Swaying me from that intended way
Stubbornly I refuse to move
I will live a WHOLE lot!!!
Fear of the unforeseen expiry date creeps in
A little like a little spider in my ear
Whispering words and sentences I couldn’t hear
Tickling sensations pleasantly disturbing
Carry me off to sleep on fearful spider legs
Even in dreamland I can’t shake you off;
Down a forgotten alley I chase you,
Screaming & shouting till I am hoarse
Willing you to, “SHOW YOURSELF!!!”
Flashes of the little lot I have lived go past
My knees meet the ground with a thud
Fists rising and raising dust as I pound the ground
I lift my face to the dead end road ahead
A scorching scream violates my lips & shoots out of me
Energy leaves me – I thought we could meet finally!
Lightning slices the sky dazzling me
Tenderly I feel that spider marching all over my body
Seems it has grown many a leg, its touch feather light
The dream melts into reality
Back to desert waste land from that alley
You are washed away by the rain
Yet you linger on in reality
“Live, love, learn, know –I hear it all over again – that whisper,
Leave the past and live a lot!
The river flows. . .
The first time I heard of Miss Earth Zimbabwe was in 2012 when Dimitra Markou was the reigning Miss Earth and I was involved in the Bin-It Zimbabwe project. My first thought was “this is great, they have a pageant for the environment!” I never once thought I would be a contestant because I am more of a behind the scenes girl! This year I saw the call for Miss Earth contestants and I decided to give it a try. When we were told to plan and implement a project I was simply even more excited by the Miss Earth Zimbabwe pageant! It would give me a shot at my beauty pageant queen dream AND also let me run a project!
My project is called “Environment Matters” (yes, that double entendre was intentional). It is a project that is mainly based in Kuwadzana, Harare. I am going to be working in Kuwadzana for a very long time hence I decided to lay the foundation of some environmental work in the community through this project. The project has a triple touch point which encompasses schools, communities and online presence. I set out to form “Green Zim for Life” Environmental Clubs in schools, engage with the Kuwadzana residents and interact with the online community as well.
On the 26th of July I took part in the Robofest Zimbabwe First Lego League (FLL) Robotics Competition which was held at Hypercube Hub. Trust for Education in Science and Technology (T.E.S.T) organised competition together with TechWomen Zimbabwe. In this competition kids aged 8 – 18 years built robots to solve litter problems. On the day of the competition I managed to get some coloured bins from Environmental Management Agency (EMA). The bins came in very handy because we managed to demonstrate separation at source as well as use them during the competition. I also made the opening remarks and talked about separation at source.
Even though I coached some of the volunteers who were coaching the kids,it boggled my mind how we would be using robots to solve litter problems. While I was coaching the volunteers building and programming the robots looked easy because we had pictorials to guide us. What I didn’t know was that on the day of the competition the teams of 2 -3 kids had to build and program the robots without pictorials. We all had no clue what the challenge for the competition day was and so we did our best to make sure that the teams we were coaching were well equipped for anything. As the day of the competition drew closer I was probably even more excited than the kids, I kept wondering what the challenge was and how they would tackle it.
The 26th of July finally arrived and the challenge was revealed: the teams had 150 minutes to build robots that collected litter from 3 bins and 1 bonus bin which had an obstacle in front of it to make it more difficult for the teams to reach it. As soon as the challenge was revealed I was even more excited! Teams started working on turning their Lego pieces and Mindstorm kits into robots. These kids were really geeking it out! They were connecting Lego pieces together and typing commands on laptops for their robots to follow – all this at top speed! I went around the tent asking the teams tons of questions and found out that most of them joined the Robotics club at their schools because it was something different. I promise you – it really is something different and it is very exciting.
Project teams were also part of the competition and these were made up of 4 – 6 members who had to research on various topics. The team that I was working with researched on water purification and they had a very well researched presentation. Other teams researched on ways of recycling plastic, paper and even on waste management. The solutions that the project teams came up with were simply mind blowing! They were showing how to make recycled paper, use plastic waste for repairing roads (a solution I believe we really need in Zimbabwe) and much more.
At the end of the competition the teams had all managed to construct robots that DID collect litter from the bins. In case you are asking yourself what kind of robots these 8 – 18 year olds built, let me define a robot for you. A robot is an automated machine that is programed to follow certain commands. So in other words, to simplify it – anything that has a brain with a list of commands to follow and cannot think for itself is a robot. I am looking forward to so much more Green Tech initiatives, this is just the beginning of it all!
I have always wanted to be a model of some sort, it was one of those things I have sincerely wanted to try out. For years I used to dream of being stumbled upon by some agent the way Naomi Campbell was scouted, and that is still a dream. Up to now I wonder if we have scouts in Zimbabwe – maybe there are, but they haven’t seen me yet. I am finally a model and it is not as much glitz and glamour as I thought it would be! I am a Miss Earth Finalist for 2014, does that make me a model? I think it does!
In 2010 when my cousin and I started an Artiste Management Agency and I thought my dream had been taken away from me because “who would hire the one who hires the models?” I resorted to walking around in high heels everyday & strutting my stuff while crossing the road as a song played in my head. It must have been the most hilarious thing ever to witness, especially because I really did “work it” while I crossed roads and then I would walk normally as soon as I touched the pavement. Those were awesome days! I was 20, felt like I owned the world & I was the queen of everything! The agency was alive for 6 months then we closed it because of my full time employment elsewhere.
Every now and then I remembered the time I told my mom and aunties that I was going to be Miss Zimbabwe one day. It made sense to them because I was a tall, beautiful 6 year old with the loveliest hair & eyes! I was watching the Miss Zimbabwe 1995 pageant with my family and I had been vouching for Dione Best who went on to win the contest. As soon as she was announced as the winner, the loud mouthed little girl that I was decided she was going to be Miss Zimbabwe & everyone simply had to know. I was sitting / lying on the floor & told them one day that was going to be me. It is weird how for a couple of months that was my dream till I got onto a plane and decided I wanted to be an air hostess instead.
My career choice kept changing, at some point I wanted to be a neuro-surgeon after hearing about Ben Carson, then I wanted to be a paediatrician because babies make me light up, I remember wanting to be a geologist because my uncle was one, the list and reasons are endless. Now I just want to make a difference in any way that I can and work with my two favourite things on earth; people and smiles.
The Miss Earth Zimbabwe Foundation promised me a platform to create a sustainable difference & I must say they did deliver on that promise! This is a pageant with a difference because all finalists have to run an environmental project for 60 days and the project constitutes 40% of our total pageant scores. It is only natural that I chose to work with people and smiles for my absolutely fulfilling green project! I have been working on my project called “Environment Matters” in Kuwadzana since the first week of August.
All I can say right now is my experience has been simply eye opening, enlightening and amazing! I can’t wait to share it with you all. My next few blog posts will be about my project and how the Miss Earth Pageant is slowly chipping away at the tomboy in me. Yes, sometimes I am angry at that – I love my simple hair, tees, jeans and sneakers: BUT I am also discovering that I like lipstick, curled locks, mascara & pretty dresses too. I am not sure how I feel about foundation though, however I know concealer is amazing!
It seems most people are liking my new look, my aunt Nomvula looked at my Whatsapp profile picture one day, sent me this message – “Siyabonga iMiss Earth nge profile pic” (“We thank Miss Earth for the profile pic”) then told me to thank the Miss Earth Foundation on her behalf. I haven’t done as she asked so;
“Dear Miss Earth Foundation,
Thank you for giving this opportunity to my niece and for contributing to the lovely profile pictures we are seeing on social media. I hope this is here to stay or at least to be constant.
I hope you guys will all enjoy my Miss Earth Finalist journey – I promise you, it has been very different from what I expected it to be!
The river flows. . .